“So, how long does therapy last?”
It’s a really good question, and it’s always helpful to talk about what to expect. But, what if you don’t like the answer… or it just isn’t clear? Time in therapy is influenced by many things, like what brings you there in the first place. A therapist needs to learn about you - and the social anxiety, occasional depression, recent argument, or old trauma that needs attention.
A therapist’s training and skill set can also affect the process. This blog doesn’t describe the various approaches, but you may have heard of CBT, or “goal oriented brief therapy” or that Psychoanalysis usually lasts longer, for example. Check out links below for further information about some of the types and the science behind the answers. Techniques, the severity of issues you’re seeking help with, and experience are all factors in the amount of time you participate. There are a few things you can keep in mind to help anticipate how long is right for you!
Maybe you already know…
There is a good chance that you have some idea, even vague, of how long you’d *like* therapy to last. If you’re seeking help around a breakup, that can be your focus, and once you’re feeling less shattered and more stable, you’ll be ready to stop. Or you might know that your stress is nearly all related to being new in the city, transitioning to a new job, or planning a major life event - and you’ll be ready to take a break from therapy when things feel like they’re in place. That is absolutely fine. Sharing this with your therapist early on really helps to structure the work together.
On the other hand, it’s possible that once initial goals are reached, you choose to re-set and continue. You’ve uncovered important stuff and are making insightful connections and deeper shifts. You’re finding greater understanding about why you feel so disconnected, and feeling comfortable enough to open up. You finally have a place to talk about sensitive things that have been “in the back of your mind" all this time. These are all great reasons to keep participating.
Some people just know that they want to create and maintain a consistent support over time. Maybe you had a great therapist before, and you’re looking for another good experience. It’s a very special thing if your therapist really knows your story, and you get to work together through multiple life changes. A consistent therapeutic relationship is a unique and valuable support.
Have You Thought About Ghosting?
Sometimes, you just want to vanish! If you’re just not connecting with your new therapist, or over time you find yourself thinking “I think I’m ready to be done”, it’s a good idea to bring it up, even if it feels hard to talk about. Communication in therapy often reflects communication in other relationships, and it can help a lot to have a “better end than usual”. An abrupt stop to therapy can take away your chance to reflect on the work you’ve accomplished, and it may leave a residue of guilt and avoidance that devalues what you’ve actually done in therapy. Even one closure session can make a big difference!
A word about boundaries - if you feel there is inappropriate or unsafe behavior by your therapist, you should end therapy immediately and consider reporting to the licensing board. Boundaries in therapy are super important, and if you feel someone has crossed the line, address it as soon as you can, or simply end the therapy. This is a subject for a different discussion - but it’s important to be aware of.
Endings are hard.
There are some parallels to ending therapy that can feel very familiar. Have you had a job that was hard to leave, even though you knew you had basically stopped learning or growing in that role? The daily routine felt a little dull, but maybe you liked the people, or the location, so you just… did nothing, for too long. Similar feelings might happen when considering a move out of a shared apartment, leaving your home town, or ending a romantic relationship. You may struggle with the idea that you’ll hurt someone’s feelings, or the fear that just when you’re “free”, something terrible might happen and you’ll long for the security and support of what you walked away from.
Many people avoid transitions and endings because it’s so hard to move out of that (slightly uncomfortable) comfort zone! They don’t have a lot of experience in helping themselves prepare and adjust to something new. If ending therapy reminds you of other times when you were reluctant to make the transition, this is an amazing opportunity to learn some skills and do it better. You can apply strategies and insights that you’ll learn from ending therapy well to other life situations in the future.
But wait, is it really the end?
When clients finish therapy, they usually have the option to return later on if they would like further support, or have a new issue to address. During the stress of the Covid pandemic, a number of former clients reached out, and shared that resuming with someone who knows them felt like a natural choice. I’ve been honored to have many people return over the years, when they felt it was the right time.
A tip at the beginning - if you have a consultation, or during your first session, ask the therapist how they like to end! Most therapists have a preferred way of concluding the work, and having a chat about it early on can help clarify what you can expect. Therapists should help plan for endings, and generally want to facilitate a useful transition. This can include identifying ongoing supports, outlining personal goals and practices for you to continue working on, and making further recommendations or referrals.
If you’ve had a good ending with someone, it’s that much easier to “pick up where you left off”. If that means ending after initial goals are achieved, and then returning even years later, you should feel free to ask if that’s an option.
How I work:
At the beginning, I try to set some expectations around how we will wrap up. I ask clients to share their thoughts and bring it up when they feel ready, and they’ll always have my help around the decision. I check in during the course of therapy to make sure we’re focused on the main goals, and create steps to develop skills and track progress. When a person feels they’re achieving what they came for, that invites the conversation around “what’s next.” Having a closure session gives us a chance to reflect and recognize how much has changed and been accomplished, and acknowledge that it’s okay to move on.
By ending well, you’ll get the most out of the whole experience. Working to figure out what is best for you means there is a range of options. Throughout therapy, your communication about wants and needs, including how you want to end, contributes to your best experience.
I welcome your thoughts! What’s been your experience of ending therapy? Do you have an example of a good ending - or a terrible one? How would it ideally happen for you? There is no one right answer, but by making the ending part of the discussion, you’ll have a better result on your investment overall.
For more information:
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/how-long-does-therapy-take-science/
https://www.helloself.com/advice/how-long-does-therapy-last